[THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY]You may not read this since you blocked me in all your social media accounts, cellular phones,…

Posted by Charmyne Emmanuelle Tabornal on Thursday, December 7, 2017

You may not read this since you blocked me in all your social media accounts, cellular phones, and maybe even in your life, but let me express what I feel about us for the last time.

We’ve been together for more than 6 years, and this could have been my 7th birthday with you. Today, I celebrated my birthday differently, having no long cheesy message at 12 midnight and surprises from you.

We were college sweethearts. We started and planned our dreams together. We shared laughters and tears. We’ve been there for each other thru thick and thin. We had many differences but we managed to fill those gaps for us to be compatible.

Just like other couples, we started dating in simple fast food chains, kwek-kwek stations, Gotohan sa Magarao, World of Fun, and even in our school canteen, yet we were already happy and contented that time as long as we have each other. (Char!) After graduation, we applied and trained in the same company, and a year later, I went to Med School and you decided to apply in an agency you are in right now. You gave me all the moral support I needed to pursue my dreams, and I, too, gave all the support I could for you to reach your goal.

It was you and me together all the way, even from applying for the simplest requirement you needed for your job, going to-and-from Valenzuela because you’re afraid of strolling around the Metro alone, during your hardships when you were still on training and OJT, until you became stable in your chosen field. Before you got into that path, I was still part of your dreams and happiness, but what happened? We even planned that once I become a doctor, I’ll also join the agency you’re in. When you already reached your goal, you forgot that there was me who never left you when you needed help the most. You forgot that it was me who was with you during your first Manila trip, your first Valenzuela visit, and even your first LRT/MRT ride when you were still afraid of being lost in the city alone. You told me that I was the one who gave direction to your life because you were that pilyo and pasaway guy before, but you left me hanging when you’re already molded. I never left you during your most unwanted days, yet you left me during my darkest ones. When you were on your undesirable situation, I loved you even more, but when it was me being on that situation, you even pushed me to ground instead. You knew I needed your support most in battling Med School, but where were you? You were with her when I’m struggling due to depression and when I almost ended my life. You were with her watching movies and dining out when you told me we can’t go on a date because you’re saving money for your training (when in fact I just asked for your time not for an expensive date). You were with other girls when I needed your comfort when I was uncertain with what I really wanted in life. You were the person I least expected to hurt me, but then you were the reason why I experienced the most painful circumstance in my life so far. The pain you gave me is more hurtful than failing Anatomy and Biochemistry evals. The pain you gave me is more painful than taking the exam ready yet getting a failing score. The pain you gave me is more painful than the sum of all the pain I’ve been through my whole life because you hurt my parents and your parents, who had been there to support you in every path you take. I lost myself in helping you find yours. I had you at your worst, yet you left me at your best.

What happened to you? What happened to us? Why did you leave when all I ever did was love you dearly? How come that the kindest, most humble, and most loving man I used to know turned into a person full of pride? You even told me this before, “Love me now, and I will court you forever.” I can still remember when you got mad and cried when our classmate wayback first year threw a piece of crumpled paper to me. Never shall I forget your sweetness, from giving me flowers and chocolates without any occasion to serenading me with the song “She’s the One” inside the class. Cooking pasta will never be as happy as before without you eating it. I can even remember the photo of the uniform you’ve shown me during your visit to me in Dasma last September 14, you said you’re gonna wear it on our wedding someday. How can I forget you easily when everything reminds me of you? I hardly can forget that you do not want to see me crying before, but during our last phone conversation, you shouted at me, hanged the phone up, and never answered my calls again. I tried and even begged (shame on me) to save our relationship, yet you pushed me away. I missed the “Bha” I used to know and to be with. As much as I want us to last a lifetime, we can’t anymore because it’s only me left holding on. It’s so easy for you because you never knew how painful it is to be cheated on. It’s so easy for you because you never experienced being left. I’ve never felt so insecure, weary, worthless, discouraged, devastated, and alone all my life until you cheated on me for the 7th time, lied to me a thousand times, and left me (Yes, shame on me again).

Chester Dominique, my one and only Bha, my greatest love, my human diary, thank you for being my constant and my life. Thank you for being my strength (and weakness as well). Thank you for buying me flowers and chocolates, and sending me home from school everyday even with your limited allowance during college days. Thank you for spoiling me with love and care before. Thank you for all the pain you caused me that made me stronger and bolder. Naga City will never be the same again without you who had been there with me during my whole stay. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Thank you for all those happy memories we shared together. You’re one of the most hardworking persons I’ve known. You were more than enough. You were amazing! I miss our random movie dates. I miss discovering places with you. I miss our almost every night road trips. I miss going to the barber shop with you every 15th and 30th of the month. I miss you eating all the dishes I cook. I miss our Moonleaf dates. I miss our Maki dates. I miss our every night video call. I miss playing Mobile Legends with you. I miss our chess tournaments. I miss our E-Bingo sessions. I miss attending mass with you. I miss reading bible with you. I miss reciting the rosary with you. I miss our random swimming dates. I miss your surprises. I miss receiving handwritten love letters from you. I miss staying in your house and the feeling of being home. I miss you. I miss us a lot. I hope you’ll not continue to fall for earthly things and lusts. If breaking me in all aspect satisfies your ego, then I’m glad that I made you feel better because love is always a sacrifice. Letting you go will never be easy but I’d be glad for I know that it will make you happy, because your happiness was, is, and will always be my happiness. I’m praying for your happiness even if I’m not part of it anymore. I was, am, and will always be proud of you! Please forgive me for all my shortcomings and flaws. Please forgive me for being not perfect. Please forgive me for all my ka-sungitan and ka-malditahan. Please forgive me for being so possessive. Please forgive me for being pakialamera, ‘coz I only wanted what’s best for you. Please forgive me for hurting you in any way. Please forgive me for loving you so much. If soulmate was real, you would probably be the one. Despite of everything that had happened to us, I would still be glad meeting another you. I love you! Got you, always. 

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Tricia Perez